DICK CHENEY RELEASES ANTI-OBAMA RAP SONG
Lyrics:
I’m Dick, you all know me,
I’m a gun tootin free enterprise son of a gun!
I’ve been away, but couldn’t stay away,
I heard this proud nation calling out for more Dick.
It’s all going to hell, hell in a handbasket,
it’s a white house damnit, you seen who’s in there?
No commie bastard’s goin to take my freedom,
no siree, when Dick comes at him he won’t know what hit him.
Yo, yo, Dick’s the answer,
Yo, yo, Dick will save ya all.
QUEENSLAND PREMIER A TELEVISION STAR!
After her stunning debut on Channel Ten’s Celebrity
Masterchef, Queensland Premier, Anna ‘Hollywood-Or-
Bust’ Bligh, is understood to be fielding numerous
offers from a variety of television producers.
Offers were believed to have included one from the
Survivor Hilton series, where celebrity guests are forced to live
off the land on $US 1,000 a day, with no room service and no valet parking.
Ms Bligh has already agreed to be the first contestant on the new and improved Celebrity Perfect Match program,
and is in negotiations to star in an Australian re-make of the successful Charlie’s Angels series.
Queensland Treasurer, Mr Andrew Fraser, rejected on Ms Bligh’s behalf an invitation to appear on the Australia’s
Got Talent program. “Ventriloquism is so twentieth century,” said Mr Fraser.
ANTI POVERTY WEEK ENDS
The main aims of Anti Poverty Week are to
Strengthen public understanding of the causes and consequences of poverty and hardship around the world and in
Australia,
and to encourage research, discussion, and action, to address these problems.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm
The highlights were
Rupert Murdoch spent a week as a man wearing off-the-shelf suits, Kevin Rudd (in a crisp white sailor’s uniform)
spent the week on a refugee boat trying to get to Australia, and McDonalds donated their profits for the week to
charity.
In Fortitude Valley, Brisbane, in the early hours of the morning, CCTV footage shows a white dark-haired male,
late teens to twenties. He is wandering about, maybe agitated or pre-occupied, but as if deliberating, and then
coming to a decision.
He removes what looks like a metal bar from his clothing, and unprovoked, he bashes to death a sleeping
homeless man.
And Anti Poverty Week was like any other week.
Violent, senseless.
TRINNY AND SUSANNAH’S NEW BOOK A BESTSELLER
The new book, ‘You Are What You Wear’, by television personalities and
fashionistas, Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine, has topped the best-seller lists.
Their first book, ‘What Not To Wear’, was also a success, and they have since released
their own range of clothing, board games, light-bulbs, car seat covers, potato chips,
laundry powder, chewing gum, tissues, tomato sauce, and a lucrative franchise licensing
of their weight loss and interior design businesses.
From their new book, Trinny and Susannah’s top fashion tip is:
“Without doubt, the perfect fashion accessory is an African child. Even the busiest person should at least give it
a try. The child is so adaptable that you can experiment with many different styles to your heart’s desire!”
A CANBERRA LOVE STORY (and an inspiration to us all)
They were as surprised as everyone else– different political parties, a different house of parliament, and on the face of it, if not enemies, at least competitors. And yet the attraction grew, and a forbidden love blossomed.
Like Romeo and Juliet, Penny and Julie’s love, while a beautiful thing, sadly seemed never meant to be.
The nation had watched the unfolding romance with mouth’s agape, as the two lovers danced around the taboo, somewhat clumsily as each strove to lead, but as winners of Dancing With The Stars, none had ever been as popular.
They still argued bitterly on some political issues, but both said the make-up sex was special, and that their love was strong.
But not strong enough, it turned out to be.
A suave and sophisticated American man-of-means rekindled Julie’s heterosexual desires, and a broken-hearted Penny withdrew from public life to become Australia’s UN ambassador. Tho still better to have loved . . .
LOST NOSTRADAMUS QUATRAINS FOUND!
Burning rock bringing doom
Arrows thru the heavens.
Blue white world saved at last,
By Queen Kylie and karaoke.
Disfigured one danced with the moon,
Waves goodbye with one white glove.
Found alive on an island,
Celebrities hide, led by Elvis.
First black man is elected,
Great glory is his.
But many enemies gather and conspire,
And a hater does the deed.
Underwater rumble brings forth a wave
That breaks upon the Golden Coast.
Neither stone nor flesh survive,
And they scramble to rebuild perdition.
I saw the last one ever die,
With the riddle never solved.
He could imagine anything,
Save what ailed his cold heart.
QUEENSLAND GOVERNMENT ASSET SELL OFF STUMBLES
The Queensland government’s plan to sell off $15 billion worth of public
assets, ostensibly to correct a budget deficit and retain a AAA credit rating,
stumbled yesterday as rumours surfaced that former government members
stand to gain hundreds of millions of dollars in ’success fees’ if the sell off is
completed.
Despite surveys which consistently show 75 to 85% community opposition to the government’s sell off plan,
Premier Bligh has been adamant in her refusal to budge from the proposed asset sell off.
Efforts are now being made by various bodies to identify those former government members who stand to become
multi millionaires thanks to Premier Bligh’s largesse.
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