NEW YORK STOCK EXCHANGE WANTS TO SACRIFICE VIRGINS IN RESPONSE TO GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS

The Chairman of the New York Stock Exchange today

announced that in an attempt the ameliorate effects of the

current Global Financial Crisis, virgins will begin to be

sacrificed from next week.

It is believed the ceremony will be held on the floor of the

Stock Exchange, and a virgin will be sacrificed each week

until greed is once again seen as good.

The Chairman said such an extreme measure was only seriously considered after community attempts to hold the

financial sector accountable for the economic crisis.

“It is correct that so far we have not been inundated with virgins offering to be sacrificed, but we believe with

the proposed marketing campaign, numbers should increase immediately. And if we have to broaden the

definition of a virgin, then we will.”

“I’d also like to thank KFC for their sponsorship of this GFC Great Virgin Sacrifice. And Paris, please call me!”