Thecuriousmail’s Weblog

BP ANNOUNCES GULF OF MEXICO OIL LEAK SEALED (OR HOW FLIPPER SAVED BP).

Posted in Uncategorized by thecuriousmail on June 30, 2010

At a press conference in London today, BP boss, Mr Tony Hayward,

confirmed that the Gulf of Mexico oil leak had been sealed.

A clearly triumphant Mr Hayward attacked critics of BP’s response to

the crisis, saying “expectations of a quick solution were

entirely unreasonable, and were only intended to put pressure on

BP. This was not fair, and claims of pollution have been wholly

exaggerated.”

Mr Hayward initially refused to give details of the actions that

finally sealed the leak, after so many failures, but did  indicate

that final approval  had been left to him.

“I gave approval to the plan,” said Mr Hayward, “for the sake of our shareholders who have been in a kind of

limbo. Shareholders want certainty, whatever the cost, and BP is clearly a company that has always

delivered the maximum return to shareholders.”

Mr Hayward refused to confirm or deny reports that BP had trained dolphins to swim into the broken pipe carrying

explosives. Once deep enough into the pipe the explosives were detonated and the pipe was sealed from the inside.

 Of course the dolphins would be killed in the process.

Animal rights advocates were critical of any such plan, but Mr Hayward said that “shareholders will

always come first, and if it only takes a dumb fish (sic) to get us through this public relations nightmare,  what’s

 not to like about that (?)”

And so kiddies, it seems Flipper has saved BP.

I would have sent Hayward into the pipe.

FORMER AUSTRALIAN PRIME MINISTER LAID TO REST

Posted in Uncategorized by thecuriousmail on June 29, 2010

The state funeral for former Australian Prime Minister, Mr John

Winston Howard, was held in Sydney today. Mr Howard, the

25th Prime Minister of Australia, died last weekend from

unspecified complications arising from his long battle

with hemorrhoids.

Guests, including political and religious leaders, and

celebrities and other dignitaries, from Australia and overseas,

attended the ceremony at the St Banjo the Merciful church.

Current Australian Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, thanked Mr

Howard on behalf of the nation for his strong leadership and steadfast convictions.

Opposition leader, Tony Abbott, said he modelled his political career on that of Mr Howard’s,  and that he would

also now like to have “such a positive influence on the next generation of Liberal leaders”.

Roman Catholic Cardinal George Pell said Mr Howard  “was a great Australian . . a true Christian who stood up for

what he believed in, and an honourable man.”

A small group of protestors outside the church were criticized for being in bad taste, and were moved on by

police under anti-terrorism laws. “They’re spending $1.5 million of taxpayer money on this state funeral, for

a man who was a liar and a compassionless ideologue,” said one protestor.

A video tribute to Mr Howard by former American president Mr George W Bush, was played at the funeral. Mr

Bush sent his apologies, explaining that he had a prior commitment on a fishing charter boat.

In honour of Mr Howard, the Federal government announced that 100 detainees of Immigration Detention

Centres would be summarily sent back to their countries without due process. “No explanation and no appeal,”

said a government spokesman. “Mr Howard would I’m sure approve of that, and we need to honour a great

Australian who only sought to serve the people.”

A G20 PRAYER

Posted in Uncategorized by thecuriousmail on June 26, 2010

Hail G20, full of insight,

The truth is thine alone.

Great words without conviction,

Great words that sicken,

All for greed and all for power.

Give us this day reason to believe you,

Reason to believe a benefit for all,

That you speak without lies, no spin nor deceit.

By action give real succour to the lowliest,

Not vile words of condolence.

For thy are fading ghosts,

Of a desolute world, of inauthentic lives.

Forever and ever.

Amen.

 

 

 

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MATTEL RELEASES JULIA GILLARD DOLL

Posted in Uncategorized by thecuriousmail on June 25, 2010

In honour of the new Australian Prime Minister, Ms Julia Gillard,

Mattel have released a special commemorative Julia Gillard doll.

In a first of its kind, the new doll is believed to have changeable

facial expressions, and to have a special Mark Arbib chip, designed to

give the doll changeable morals.

The Wayne Swan doll, designed to be complimentary to the Julia

Gillard doll, is slated to be released next month. According to Mattel, the

Wayne Swan doll is designed to pretend to be your friend, and then

betray you when you need him the most. “We’re trying for a Barbie and Ken with attitude,” said a senior Mattel

spokesman.  “I hope we haven’t ended up with the evil twins,” he added.

Angry parents have complained to Mattel that the Julia Gillard doll has plotted against and back-stabbed other

dolls in the house, and after disposing of its last rival in the house, the doll maintains a menacing fixed grin.

“The children are really scared of it now,” said one anxious mother.

 Serial pest, broadcaster Alan Jones, is believed to have purchased the first Julia Gillard doll for sale in Australia.

When approached by journalists on his purchase, Mr Jones asked “where do you blow the doll up? I’m in the mood

for some lovin!”

STUPID PEOPLE ALWAYS TAKE THE EASIEST OPTION

Posted in Uncategorized by thecuriousmail on June 23, 2010

I heard on the news tonight that the new British Prime

Minister has increased their VAT rate (Australians call it GST).

And for sure that’s what the stupid people in power around

the world have done, and will do. Never mind the rorts, the

incompetence, and the political extravagancies, just increase

taxes or sell public assets and Bob’s your uncle! Bearing in mind

governments worldwide speak of being in a financial emergency, what do you think should be the first thing they do?

 I think that before increasing taxes, cutting services, cutting jobs, or borrowing even more money, there should

 first be an independent audit of parliament, government and the bureaucracy, to ascertain effectiveness of

programs and a prioritization,  and efficiencies in operation of government departments. For example,

the Queensland government has cut back on assistance to charity groups, but not on parliamentary travel.

Mmm, what is reasonable? Which is more important? Until a government can demonstrate that their house is in

order, operating at something approaching financial responsibility and effectiveness, no other

measure should proceed. Or else kids, the bloated become more bloated, the cart far far ahead of the horse.

And remember, governments around the world are all talking in terms of a financial emergency. Is this really

 serious mum? Here in Queensland the state government is both increasing taxes and selling off income

generating public assets. Surveys show more than 85% of the  population oppose the public asset sell-off, 

 but the government says the sell-off is absolutely necessary to help us survive this financial emergency (of course

they have not put their own house in order first though). My point is this: If the government is wrong, who pays?

 Er, the taxpayer, voters, through increased taxes, reduced services etc. If the 85% of people in the surveys are

wrong, who pays? Er, they do, the taxpayers, voters. In both scenarios, they are the ones who pay for the

 consequences of the decision. That being the case, the government is not entitled to force through the

public asset sell-off; it is not the government’s assets that they are selling, it is of the people, and should

the government be wrong in their estimation of the necessity of the public asset sell-off, it is not they who pay for

 that, the people pay. The government has no kind of mandate in this matter.

Even though the government proposes to make me pay for a decision I don’t agree with, I’ll be fair with them,

and propose this: If the sell-off proceeds, at a point in the future, say 5 or 10 years, an independent group

will evaluate the government’s decision and make a determination as to its ‘absolute necessity.’ Should the

independent group find that the public asset sell-off was not absolutely necessary, all politicians who voted for it

 lose their taxpayer funded superannuation, lose their lifelong taxpayer funded benefits, and pay back their

entire taxpayer funded salaries for their period in parliament.

 Seems eminently reasonable. Go on, put your money your mouth is. If you think your decision is absolutely

necessary, that you are entirely convinced, that there is no doubt in your mind, that you reject a majority

voter sentiment,  do what is right.

Go on Premier Bligh! Us voters know deep in our hearts that you and your government are not so wholly corrupt,

not so entirely incompetent –really!– but we do need you to show us that you and your government are

in fact accountable, in some way.

Prove me wrong Premier Bligh and Cabinet, show me that stupid people don’t always take the easiest option.

LOONEY TIMES

Posted in Uncategorized by thecuriousmail on June 20, 2010

David Jones CEO, Mr Mark McInnes, resigned this week after

allegations of sexual harassment.

According to the terms of his contract, he could have picked up

$3.6m in termination pay, plus a bonus of $2.5m along with

other long-term  incentives, but the former chief left only

with his statutory pay of $450,000 plus a “mutually agreed”

$1.5m. Even after admitting culpability in the matter, with at least two separate instances, he could still have

insisted that the contract was honoured.

 By what logic do boards enter into these contracts, and are they agreed to by a majority of  shareholders?

The logic is that they say you have to enter into these contracts to attract the best applicants. However, I know, as

an employee, that a company pays for the job to be done, not the person. People seem to take what they are paid

personally, but it is only a reflection of what the company will pay for the job that is to be done, not of you. I have

known many high-paid individuals, and I have been underwhelmed by most of them, frankly mystified  how a

company could pay them such an amount of money. But the company is paying for the job, and even the

incompetent it seems can inveigle and plot to keep their position. And no, in the vast majority of cases the

shareholders have no say in any contract.

As an ordinary worker, if allegations of sexual harassment were made against me, and I admitted to them, I would be

lucky to retain, without a fight,  my statutory rights (leave accrued etc),  let alone received a ‘resignation

settlement’.

If someone threatens to hurt you, touch you in a sexual way without your consent, or forces you to take part in any

sort of sexual activity against your will, this is a criminal offence.

Mr McInnes received a payout of nearly 40 times my annual salary after admitting to a criminal offence. Why was

he not simply shown the door without this obscene payout?

By this kind of  contemptuous disavow of common-sense and proper conduct, by their hypocrisy, deceit, and

conspiracies,  business and political leaders clearly demonstrate they are the enemy.

TIME TO CLOSE THIS CHAPTER IN THE STORY OF DEMOCRACY

Posted in Uncategorized by thecuriousmail on June 19, 2010

It has been an interesting past week in Queensland politics.

ANNA, ANNA, LIAR! LIAR! PANTS ON FIRE!

It is a legislative requirement that the head of the CMC, Queensland’s anti-corruption

body, is consulted on the appointment of the Police Commissioner. Both Premier Bligh,

and Police Minister Roberts, said as much, and indeed said it in parliament, that he was consulted, and that they

obtained his consent to the appointment.

However, the man in question, CMC boss Moynihan, denied that he was consulted by the government on the

appointment. Oops, clearly someone is not telling the truth. Bligh and Roberts are now accused of lying to

parliament, but as the government has the numbers, they will again get away with their dishonesty and deceit.

The state government had begun to attack the CMC boss and his version of events, but even the stupid people in

power in this state realized that they were in no position to run a credibility attack against the CMC boss. So, they

changed their approach: now they say there was simply a misunderstanding in conversations with him, and we

should now all move on. Laughable! In the simple matter of asking someone what they thought of someone else

being appointed to a particular position, there was a misunderstanding??? How?! And these people are running

our state?? . . . into the ground surely, as you would think there were immensely more difficult and complex issues

to address, than one simple question which they couldn’t get right.

The question then becomes:  is the government incompetent, or are they liars?

Kids, the proof is overwhelming, they’re both!

In the happy democracies around the world people are coming to the same conclusion: governments have become

the enemy, they do not act in the interests of the people, they are compromised and incompetent, supported by an

indolent and obstructionist bureaucracy. When is a choice not a choice? Party politics. ‘Whoever you vote for, a

politician gets in’.  Yes, a pox on all their houses. . only their house is our house, and we are allowing our house

to be a place of  wrongs. There has to be a better way, but I suspect we won’t find it while someone’s making

money out of the old way.

In the meantime . .

ANNA, ANNA, LIAR! LIAR! PANTS ON FIRE!                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

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MINING INDUSTRY ATTACKS ‘SUPER PROFIT’ TAX PLAN

Posted in Uncategorized by thecuriousmail on June 6, 2010

Mining Industry Council of Australia

 In a wide ranging press conference in Brisbane today, the

 Mining Industry Council of Australia attacked the 

 Australian government’s plan to impose a ‘super profit 

 tax’ on mining companies. 

 The Council warned that any such additional tax imposition 

  on the mining industry would cause the orbit of the 

planet to change, with the possibility that the Earth would 

 actually be shot out of the solar system, like an unchewed 

 meatball out of Clive Palmer’s arse. 

 Iron ore, and coal, were nominated by the Council as the next Australians of the Year, in recognition that it was 

 mineral resources that saved Australia from the Global Financial Crisis, and a subsequent attack by killer

 safari suits.

 Council members attacked supporters of the tax as obviously “communists, God-haters, and paedophiles. It’s right

that we make billions of dollars for ourselves for a resource owned by the Australian people. I mean, we take the

risk.  The minerals could run away you know.

“When we say we leave the land after mining in a better condition we mean to mean it, maybe. But we are frankly

getting sick and tired of those people who refuse to bathe in the reflected glow of our pious wealth.

We’re your brand new friend! Go on, believe us.”