Thecuriousmail’s Weblog

BP ANNOUNCES GULF OF MEXICO OIL LEAK SEALED (OR HOW FLIPPER SAVED BP).

Posted in Uncategorized by thecuriousmail on June 30, 2010

At a press conference in London today, BP boss, Mr Tony Hayward,

confirmed that the Gulf of Mexico oil leak had been sealed.

A clearly triumphant Mr Hayward attacked critics of BP’s response to

the crisis, saying “expectations of a quick solution were

entirely unreasonable, and were only intended to put pressure on

BP. This was not fair, and claims of pollution have been wholly

exaggerated.”

Mr Hayward initially refused to give details of the actions that

finally sealed the leak, after so many failures, but did  indicate

that final approval  had been left to him.

“I gave approval to the plan,” said Mr Hayward, “for the sake of our shareholders who have been in a kind of

limbo. Shareholders want certainty, whatever the cost, and BP is clearly a company that has always

delivered the maximum return to shareholders.”

Mr Hayward refused to confirm or deny reports that BP had trained dolphins to swim into the broken pipe carrying

explosives. Once deep enough into the pipe the explosives were detonated and the pipe was sealed from the inside.

 Of course the dolphins would be killed in the process.

Animal rights advocates were critical of any such plan, but Mr Hayward said that “shareholders will

always come first, and if it only takes a dumb fish (sic) to get us through this public relations nightmare,  what’s

 not to like about that (?)”

And so kiddies, it seems Flipper has saved BP.

I would have sent Hayward into the pipe.

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