Thecuriousmail’s Weblog

OFFICE OF UNAUSTRALIAN ACTIVITIES RELEASES FIRST REPORT

Posted in Uncategorized by thecuriousmail on July 10, 2010

 

The Office of UnAustralian Activities released its inaugural report in Canberra today.

We have been granted special permission by the Federal government to publish this extract from an interview

with a suspected unAustralian.

INTERROGATOR:  Do you understand why you are being interviewed sir? Sir? . . I take it from the shrug of your

shoulders that you don’t really care. That would be right, wouldn’t it sir? But that attitude won’t help you, and it

doesn’t cut the mustard with me. Your co-operation in this matter can only assist you sir. Bear that in mind if you

would.  Now, it has come to the attention of this Office that, well, you don’t look like any Australian we know or

we’ve seen. Are you an ethnic sir? I take it from the shake of your head that you deny that. Ok, but as I’m sure you

understand sir, ethnic is only one step from refugee , and it’s our patriotic duty to investigate any undesirables.

Is there anyone who can vouch for you sir? Any responsible person, as defined under the Act? Anyone? . . .

I must say sir, your unco-operative attitude makes you look guilty. . . Are you trying to hide something sir?

Perhaps . . perhaps a terrorist affiliation you would prefer that we didn’t discover sir? Y-e-s, I see now, oh what

a plan! Become popular with the children, turn them into your agents and use them to influence their parents, all

in an attempt to undermine the beach, beer and pie, true blue Aussie culture. Wow, a dastardly criminal plan

sir, but I tell you it won’t succeed on my watch, that’s for sure! According to the legislation, I am able to detain

and question you in secret for 28 days. Do you have anything to say for yourself sir?  . . . No? . . . Nothing? . . . You

do  know sir, your silence makes you look guilty. .  .Ok, if that’s the way you want to play it, I’m fine with it.

There are several definitions of torture. You just think about that sir. You’ll talk eventually. They all do.

  

 

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