Australian Terrorist Attack

A terrorist attack at Australia’s Parliament House today was foiled by quick thinking politicians who ran away.

The terrorist, killed when his bouquet of gladiolus prematurely exploded, has been identified as Sir Les Patterson, a disgruntled former Commonwealth employee who objected to the fluoridation of water. Inquiries are continuing into Mr Patterson’s Islamic affiliations.

Photo of suspect from security cameras

In a breach of parliamentary security protocols, it is believed that Patterson was waved thru several security checks by brandishing his Melbourne Club membership badge. “Well he looked like he belonged here”, lamented one security guard.

Prime Minister Turnbull has ordered an investigation into the incident,  and applauded  “the Members of Parliament who demonstrated great courage thru a tactical retreat. It could have been a lot worse but for their decisive action,” said Mr Turnbull.

In the chaos after the explosion, it was reported to the Prime Minister that cheering could be heard from the Aboriginal Tent embassy, on the lawns of Parliament House. Mr Turnbull said it was a criminal offense to offer any kind of support to a terrorist, and “that if the claim is substantiated, people will face the full force of the law”.

However, Prime Minster Turnbull was quick to affirm that flashing your lights to a terrorist, to indicate a police speed camera ahead, “would not be considered offering support to terrorism. At least in the short-term”.